This Week in Popculture’s Cube: Looking for a New Deck? Try These.
There is one truth about this game that we all must face at one point or another: Magic decks have funny names.
Shall I run through some of the worst offenders? Let’s see… there’s Naya Zoo, Moldy Cheerios, Team Geist, Hate Bears, Fruity Pebbles, Red/Green Monsters, Superfriends, KikkiPod, Tron, Full English Breakfast, and… the list goes on. Basically these names reflect two things: the fact that Magic players are endlessly inventive, and that they tell you absolutely nothing about what these decks do. We all do this to some extent – heck, I’ve dubbed my BW EDH with Vish Kal as commander “Death and Taxes” since it deals with a lot of sacrificing, as well as extort effects.
So, herewith are some other deck archetypes I’ve come up with that could confound your opponents:
- The Noob.
This deck consists of 60 basic lands. And nothing else. It’s strategy? Essentially you keep making land drops each turn, and after turn three you basically start saying “I can’t believe this. Flooded. Never seen this before in my life.” Repeat this until your opponent essentially takes pity on you and scoops.
Named for the dangerous forest in J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit, this BG deck focuses on spiders and elves. Nothing says love like Llanowar Elves, Spider Spawning, and Deathrite Shamans.
- Perverted Oxen
It’s BR Minotaur tribal. And the less said about this, the better.
- The Yellow Brick Road
Want a little Wizard of Oz-themed action? Look no further. This mono-white deck (splashing green because… well, there’s an Emerald City in Oz) mostly focuses on Leonids, Scarecrows, and Golems. Dorothy can be reprinted by Elspeths.
- The D&D
Always wished there was a way for Dungeons & Dragons and Magic to mashup? Look no further. This five-color deck features creatures of the Soldier, Wizard, Cleric and Rogue types, and, of course, some dragons. Nicol Bolas may be a necessary part of all of this. This might work even better as an EDH deck.
Also called “Trick or Treat” this deck is built of everything terrifying: vampires, zombies, werewolves, spirits, horrors, demons, and so forth. Stuff like Grave Titan, Stromkirk Noble, Huntmaster of the Fells, and Lingering Souls are must-haves.
- Bacon and Eggs
Got a lot of Welkin Terns, Avens, and Boars? Well you’ve got yourself a protein-packed breakfast, as well as a deck name that will be leave those you play against scratching their heads.
- BUG Timesink
This deck relies specifically on one thing: tutoring. Make sure you’ve got plenty of fetch lands, as well as tutor effects, which Black, Blue and Green have in spades. Then proceed and ensure that each turn you take will require at least 20-30 minutes. You’re guaranteed a victory when your exasperated opponent scoops and leaves crying.
- Heaven and Hell
Angels. Demons. ‘Nuff said.
- Indiana Jones
This deck relies on effects that will tutor up artifacts (Chalice of Life/Death anyone?) as well a wrath effects. The Zendikar trap cards also could find a home here.